Saturday, October 31, 2009 at 12:04 AM
hey arnold dearest guy in class..... just wanna wish you a happy birthday..don't be sad if yours will be celebrated a lil late. its just that we really want it to be a surprise.... so please.. BEWARE! haha sorry if i'm making it sound as if its scary.... we really want you to be shocked..... uhm.....
and just wanna say that.... thanks for proving to me that you are actually one true friend and you'll always there for me and thanks for being trustworthy we both know how much we'll miss each other being in the same class . Remember all those stupid things we've done through out the whole year? sometimes we both carried away with all crazy things we do in class since the mdm chew days.... haha sometimes we have misunderstanding but at the end of the day we are great friends as ever and everyday we get closer and closer as what dhiya said(if you read her blog) you know that all of us think that you are a great guy.... just wait for your present kay? but i dont really know what you want... so i think i'll just do it your way, i'll give you money instead. hahaha. thanks i was really touch when you said last time i was one of your closest friend among the girls in class i bet you don't remember but yeah i still do and xinyi too... SORRY I FORGET ABOUT HER! haha..anyways and that time when i told you that both of us will go different class and you said "never mind we're just one class away" haha.... that's so sweet of you.. i hope you don't change (don't guai lan?) haha as what always xinyi said even though i really don't see you as (guai lan) hahahaha.... always remember me loves you and as well as 1n6 haha!! so once again
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAY LITTLE GUY, ARNOLD WEE BING HAO!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009 at 6:38 AM
today was school as usual i don't need to be fined anymore but anyways, just now after second recess or something mr osman came into the class. and then i wasn't wearing proper attire then he asked me to stand and change to proper ones in the toilet then phew i thought it was going to be about the smoking issue again. haizz... then i didn't know that he actually came to the class because of me again! shit man! he was like "arrys meet me outisde now!" then after okay loh i went out the class to talk to him i thought it was going to be about that stupid attire then after that, he was like "we're the ones who passed contraband cigarette to the boys?" the i was like obviously i why on earth would i pass contraband cigarette around if i want to share some? i mean like those cigarettes i buy is legal one okay? then he was like asking whom i passed the "contraband" cigarettes to then i said i passsed it to zhen zhou then he started asking whether he's from china and why zhen zhou's name is not shanghai or beijing but it was funny though hahah.... then yeah i guess its all settled already and he actually blame me for the that and i was called "bodo" (mr osman call me) then after that he said he don't want me to become a drug pusher cause i was like one already. so yeah he said the guys need to pay for the mistake i made. I feel really guilty and at the same time sad. i feel like i dont give a damn to myself anymore. so what if i put on others first before me? and why do i get this kind of treatment in the end? i don't really understand. then after i don't know how mrs mak i found out about all this that "someone" told her about my problem but its okay cause i think that person did that simply because she cares about me and my FUTURE. so let's just say the name and that person is called "xin yi" yep.! haha... it was so unexpected i thought "D" and "S" was the one who's going to take action but it turned up to be xinyi but i still very happy at least some people still understand and care about me! i hope this won't only be a a short period of time i hope all the way man! thanks to you! then since today is the second last day i was hyper and some may even find it "NATURAL" of me. and it think they we're happy about that i guess? hopefully yes! but if only you know i cry more than i laugh now. to him- you ignore me a lot of times but i just keep on ignoring but why is that the more i ignore the more you drift away from me? you know how much i treasure you or not? i hope you know even though i don't even get half of the fantasic treament back. i hope you realize already lah. cause seriously now you are hurting me even more. whenever you are with them you isolate me i thought true friends stick together then tell me what is this kind of treatment you are showing me? if only you know how hurt i am but never mind if you want to do this to me and keep on ignoring things that i do just for you we might as well drift apart from each other but you know i cant right? so why? why ignore me and why not show just a little appreaciation although i know you helped out a lot my problems all the way?
TO DHIYA AND SIYI (xin yi amanda liyana) :)- thank you thank you thank you thank you so much. that's all i can say. words may not be enough but you know how thankful i am to have you both beside me love ya peepo. hope we can hangout some time together and just us! i wonder how fun it would be haha! thanks a lot peepo!
Monday, October 26, 2009 at 5:50 AM
xinyi- thanks i really appreciate you being like my sister around but you are the older version one haha. anyways, uhm thanks i know you are trying hard or ALL of you are trying so hard to help me all the way and pull me up? but you know i maybe brave in terms of being in school. but, i can never be brave infront of my family. i don have the guts to tell them what i did i really don't if you are in my position i don't think you'll be able to pull off something like what you guys are asking me to do. i am sorry i am too stubborn that i think everyone around me changed but it actually me who changed. and here i go again always on the negative side of facing my OWN problems if not asking help from you guys. and i do understand the part that i am older but look at those poeple whom i mix around most of the time? hmm... maybe i could improve on that too?
love you!
dhiya- i know you are always there help out in times of troubles that i am facing and seriously when i see you guys happy you guys never fail to make my day. but sorry i got so stubborn until it reach this point where everything is going to be handle by the cops? i am sorry for the stupid things i've done. maybe when you try putting yourself in my position you'll be tempted to do these things hmmmm if only i could explan to you properly how my family treat me. i really don't know what to do. i was trying hard to change but these poeple around me now do not knw how to appreciate it or just acting blind because they don' have faith in me. i maybe very naughty at times i understnd or okay! most of the time? sorry. i promise from tomrrow onwards i'll help myself as how guys are trying to do this time. i'll listen okay? i promise but you must help really pls have faith because when there's no family there's only friends.... so i don't want my family to help since they don't have that much faith as you guys have for me! thaks dhiya i'll miss you next year hope nothing will be changed next year hor? spend time with me, with us. love you!
and thanks to
LIYANA
atiqah
shafinaz
lela
ain
aini
arnold
Sunday, October 25, 2009 at 6:43 AM
nothing better to do with my life anymore. See, i changed a lot. i can tell i'm just acting blind as if wow, everything is so normal. My awful life its driving me crazy. My life is like when i take part in a race just run aimlessly no direction never plan don't have any gears just run anywhere with no direction and if i trip that's it i give up don't run anymore its just a race anyway so what if i don't in first place there's always next year and in the end you'll do nothing but regret. i think that's another thing i think i'm living in a life full of regret. but i'm also not happy with how things are going at home. Ican't tell whether its me or "them" who made me like this. actually i have a choice, i can change yes. but when you do so there's still poeple who'll try to pull you down but i'm not just saying people its actually people whom are the ones closest to you i can't explain that part very well hmm.... okay uhm just tell you guys what happened just now,
I went to simei to accompany my mom to return dvd and then headed to tampines mall to but containers ,bleach and soap. and the container was actually big so how on earth is it possible to fit on the bus so my mom and i mrt-ed home and then while waitin for the train i was carry this plastic bag full of grocery it was so heavy and i started losing my temper and its also because of the hot whether even though its already dark and suppose to be cooling. i was like sweating and already losing my temper that i want to smash the grocery goods on the floor really hard then i just kept on breathing in and out deeply. then while waiting for the bus i suddenly thought of what dhiya said i almost cry again but i control it and i kept on tearing throught the whole bus-ride home then i was reallyhot tempered wheni reached home i want to cry in my room but then can't i have no mood for everything now. just want to make my terrible life peaceful. and i have to say that i get angry easily, short tempered, no mood to talk in class, no moon to take part in grp activities, no mood for party, no mood for everything. terrible isn't it? i think i need sam to help me again but the thing is that i lied to him and told him everything's fine with me and my family. i really want to have a talk with everyone in my family esp my mom(sorry) but i dont have the guts. why? cause she's my mom i don't want to hurt her feelings because there's some issues with her that i want to tell her ...... help me GOD! pls!!! pls!!!! pls!!!
Friday, October 23, 2009 at 3:25 AM
so yep.... i know everything's confirmed by mrs mak today. we all know where we're going next year. one thing that still bothers me. hmm... i hope you know. i don't dare to tell you my feelings anymore. If you think you've done something wrong, please.... don't think its you, its me okay? i'm sorry. i think i'm just a little too sad. sorry. if you're hurt with what i'm saying. please don't think you've been terrible. you've been more than great which hurts even more. not being dramatic. well i only can lean on you, you always know that don't you? everyday i tell you my problems, everyday i share new secrets and sometimes we even mess up. haha. you've been always. you really proved that you are one true friend. i love being with you, seriously. in terms of friendship lah. hahahaha.. if only time can pass slower than this i will spend time with you after school which we didn't manage to do last few months. cause i know there's some tension going on between me and your ********* gang. well. Sorry to say this, i'm gonna tell you the truth. i think i've really changed. Sorry it wasn't because of you only. because i want to be more sensitve with other people's feelings. i know sometimes i get carried away easily haha which is i know sometimes not funny anymore. Sorry if i cant stand to look at you for very long time. i really don't know why. i think i'm really ashamed and sad. i don't know what to do. sorry. i know you also can't do anything to help me with my situation. no one can. they can only say stop but they can't DO anything to stop me. i know its up to me now. sorrry if i don't even there to look at your pic i dunno that's how much i am ashamed. Sorry huh? i mean no harm. but i still love you. no matter what okay? its just that i'm just sad i just have a strong feeling you're gonna drift apart *she* and i have a strong feeling. i have more probs to tell you eh? i guess i have seek too much help from you. sorry. this is so embarrassing if i share more probs with you. i guess i will fake everything. just pretend i'm happy because when i don't. sure it will become a big thing. sorry
i'm referring to *him* not *her*
Thursday, October 22, 2009 at 5:19 AM
well, my results were good, and so as the whole class, no one retained, some are going to express. i can't totally say i'm happy cause of my results. hmm... well let's put it this way. i don't like myself. Seriously i don't. i don't even know whether i'm being me. exams are over, yes, but i'm getting more sad, quiet, not so outgoing, stopped joking around, making a fool of myself. i'm so low very low. no one would ever understand i guess. not even the ones who knows me well. how i wish i'll be happy. i want to leave everything, i just feel like being more alone now. i don't even know whether i'm on the good side on the bad side. i can't tell who am i. i dunno what i;m good at anymore. and the worst thing, i can't even choose which path i want to go to. no ones proud of me. not even my family. now i think i'm the worst person. i am really very low at this point. i'm just acting as though everything's fine even they things are totally not. my counsellor always says nowadays that i'm so positive, i'm so doing well, especially in handling my problems in a very positive way. i'm sorry i lied cause i'm totally not doing okay. really sorry sam. i lied. i may look very normal outside but inside i'm so not. i'm so getting tired. i don't like school to sum it up. i dunno. i belong somewhere better than school. i just dunno where. saddest part i'm sure everything's gonna change next year. sure it will. for sure. why must i be apart from the one who i lean on the most? i don't like it. it think i only got her now. but sorry i don't think so......errrr..... everything is just so confusing. i know some wants to help me but they also can't do anything. i think its up to me. but i'm just really confuse. i wanna go somewhere peaceful now. i wanna go back to my hometown i wanna be sent back there. i don't give a damn about my stupid reputation and future i just wanna leave....... haizzzzzz
yeah. take a good look at life. unfair isn't it? they said if life is fair, you can never never have joy. i belive its true. they also said that you make your life by the choices you make and the consequences you face. it think i'm actually facing consequences but i really dunno what kind of bad choices i made. well excluding studies and *******.............. hmmm..... please god, help me, is it because i also don't have faith in him? hmm..... just **********************
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AMEN!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009 at 5:35 AM
zupp zupp. today had fun inhaling haha only eric and zhen zhou know what i mean. anyways....
today got the maths paper passed.. okay! muahaha... but not what i expected...... Zzzz...
then ict training. in the afternoon at 2.30 hehess... then had band. woots! forgotten to bring file. mr fahmi didn't scold haha.. just nag nag i guess? then.....after that stood up wanqi said my skirt got stain i didn't belive i first then when my honeeyyy... came haha (amanda hong) she told me i really have she accompany me to the toilet. and then wanqi follow ( she just cant stop following me haha she miss me very fast!) yeah babeh! haha just joking wanqi. then brought instrument home too heavy so i cabbed with wanqi. (thanks for your company laddyy..) haha... so yup now at home... going down later to inhale again.! byebyess...
Thursday, October 15, 2009 at 4:40 AM
hey homies! supp supp. yesterday we went to ecp with daphne (childhood friends/bffffffff) haha. well dunno we just went there for fun. but very very fun hahaha.... there weere 3 of us my sis daph and me. we walked for very long time there hooooo!!! very tiring can? we walked from area c and wanted to walk to area E to fing my brother but failed so we stopped at area D cause we walked for soooo verryyyy lllooonnnggg..... so tired then on the bus we camwhored. hahah cause no one at the upper deck of bus haha... so fun then when the bus was moving....i was like trying to do puch ups haha so fun leh.... but i wanted to go home already. soo tired but had a lot of crazy fun time with them.
Then today school quite fun ah. esp Apang's period Zzzz.... she becoming more and more strict now which makes the lesson quite fun now haha esp when she screams and get angry hahah! then had band after a long time almost died cause i couldn't play u kknw? but wasn't scared then treat and eat sushi with wanqi... then now at home blogging
YEAY! hahahaha.....
i dunno why i seem not to be happy. i feel so disliked by people whom i'm not close to. i really dunno i wish i could turn back time i feel really sad sad sad! it not becase of previous incident but because how is people changed nowadays....oh wells i guess that's time and not them or could it be me? i really dunno when i try to reflect i couldn't see anything i've done to harm them. well i know i should not give a shit about this but i just got me thinking and worried whenever i saw a particular person or something hmm...... i wonder why? is it because i don't go to churrch that much anymore? or is it because i simply changed? but i still have to look on the bright side. i have to remember i have so much more more more more friends who likes me and i hope no more hatred or misunderstanding or anything. i just want everything to be fine one day. just peaceful and happy......... happy like last time.........
Monday, October 12, 2009 at 5:58 AM
YEAY! i'm back! i'm back! hahah sorry didn't update for so long ;( was having eoy so i studied iguess? hmmm......i'm so scared to death for my science i did not study that much for it... okay well not really i studied and i only looked through the whole book once! so scary especially when i asked mrs pang for my results she said "hmm...you didn't learn" during mid-autumn so scared leh......i hope i have time machine now eh! Zzzz..........anywayzzz......i'll just tell you what happened suring mid-autumn..
i went to meet siyi to meet dhiya at parkway. hmm.....i suddenly found her very weird...i dunno why she asked me and siyi out! haha...then i ask her "hmm...i think you feel guilty thats why u invite me and siyi out and you are always with your malay gang?" muahaha.....and then she was like O.o NO!!!! hahah then we ate at mac and told her that i kinda like DBSK ahahahaha...she was like so happy she couldn't believe it and then she was like "does anyone have a voice recorder here?" hahaha!!!! Zzzzzz..... then we walked around marine parade hmmm...quite fun and then we ride on the roller coaster thinggyyy.... then my gosh!! we were shouting at timezone man they ride was fun and crazy hahaha......... then we went to school for mid-autumn it was fun...
but more fun with friends...then i carry mrs mak baby chloe ! ;) so small and tiny but heavy! haha....but she is very very very very cute! haha... then after that performances were getting boring so decided to look for some excitement so went went near the science block there hahahah then everyone was like shouting ZZzzzz...... as if something appeared in front of them tsk tsk.....they so damn noisy lah! irritating....played chapteh with yi jun and dhiya Zzzz........dhiya is better than yi jun cann!!!! he cant even make the chapter flo once! Zzzz........hahah but anywayzzz....overall was so fun...
then...tomorrow got band photo-taking gonna meet wanqi accompany her to go the market for her pic for her IC and then at 1 repert back to school and then head to scince centre. i wish i had singed up for that dragon boating lah.... science centre is sooo boring can!? Zzzzz......
now i think i want to upload videos of typhoon ketsana that hit philippines and vietnam and hopefully singapore! just kidding lah! hahah..... just go youtube whatever.........see how terrible t'was
Saturday, October 3, 2009 at 7:53 AM
well i want my font to be yellow can't really see it. if i have typing error *ignore* .=.='.
okay, well i never expected this to happen. even my friends and siblings were quite *shocked* well. i dunno it all stated on that fateful day, i was on the computer and obviously started typing youtube.com and then the next thing i know, i was watching DBSK music videos and stupid video. IT WAS SO SHOCKING! i totally never expect to start appreciating k-pop singers. well not really only for one particular band called DBSK which i hated so badly. and now i appreciate their songs. what on earth is happening to me? i mean up to now, this period of time i still can believe why among all the k-pop singers why would i hae a particular band so much and in the end ending up liking them! aiyoo!! tsk tsk! you think this is right?! wadeva! i dont give a damn anymore I LIKE THEM! OKAY!?
OH EMMM GEEE!!!! i just said i LIKE THEM! aiya wadever okay DHIYA I LOST TO YOU AGAIN! what does this mean? i mean seriously tell me!! i cant keep on losing to you right?!muhahaha!!! anyways i upload some memories when i was very cute and young! nyahaha!!!! aww sh!t its in my moms account upload it next time.....sorry peeps next alrightsss??? so for now i fly to my bed now goodnights! *fly kisses* muahaha!! you can reject if you want muahaha