Thursday, October 22, 2009 at 5:19 AM
well, my results were good, and so as the whole class, no one retained, some are going to express. i can't totally say i'm happy cause of my results. hmm... well let's put it this way. i don't like myself. Seriously i don't. i don't even know whether i'm being me. exams are over, yes, but i'm getting more sad, quiet, not so outgoing, stopped joking around, making a fool of myself. i'm so low very low. no one would ever understand i guess. not even the ones who knows me well. how i wish i'll be happy. i want to leave everything, i just feel like being more alone now. i don't even know whether i'm on the good side on the bad side. i can't tell who am i. i dunno what i;m good at anymore. and the worst thing, i can't even choose which path i want to go to. no ones proud of me. not even my family. now i think i'm the worst person. i am really very low at this point. i'm just acting as though everything's fine even they things are totally not. my counsellor always says nowadays that i'm so positive, i'm so doing well, especially in handling my problems in a very positive way. i'm sorry i lied cause i'm totally not doing okay. really sorry sam. i lied. i may look very normal outside but inside i'm so not. i'm so getting tired. i don't like school to sum it up. i dunno. i belong somewhere better than school. i just dunno where. saddest part i'm sure everything's gonna change next year. sure it will. for sure. why must i be apart from the one who i lean on the most? i don't like it. it think i only got her now. but sorry i don't think so......errrr..... everything is just so confusing. i know some wants to help me but they also can't do anything. i think its up to me. but i'm just really confuse. i wanna go somewhere peaceful now. i wanna go back to my hometown i wanna be sent back there. i don't give a damn about my stupid reputation and future i just wanna leave....... haizzzzzz
yeah. take a good look at life. unfair isn't it? they said if life is fair, you can never never have joy. i belive its true. they also said that you make your life by the choices you make and the consequences you face. it think i'm actually facing consequences but i really dunno what kind of bad choices i made. well excluding studies and *******.............. hmmm..... please god, help me, is it because i also don't have faith in him? hmm..... just **********************
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AMEN!